Veronica Tomassi
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Obituary of Veronica Ann Tomassi

Veronica DiBella Tomassi

November 11, 2019

This is not an obituary.  Mom’s wishes were “No services. No obituary”. This tribute to Mom does not even contain a date of birth or date of death.  It centers on “the dash”. The dash is where Mommy put all of her energy and love.

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Cookies. Dozens of Christmas cookies. By this time of year, Veronica Tomassi, known to most as Ronnie and to us as Mom, Mommy, or Grandma, would already be filling the kitchen with the sweet smells of baking and filling the freezer with the sugary desserts of the holiday. Among her recipes, the Basic Cookie Christmas Cut-outs were her favorite; she generously shared both the secrets of the recipe and dozens of the artistic cookies. They were among her innumerable gifts of the heart that she bestowed upon us and others

As a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother and a friend, Ronnie was all about gifts from the heart.

As a little girl, Veronica DiBella was called Dolly by her dad (Carmen DiBella) whom she adored and whose love buoyed her through a childhood that bore some trauma, pain, and loss. Despite harsh hardships, she mirrored her dad's caring, kind, and generous nature and her mother’s (Lena DiBella’s) stoic strength.

At 18, when she met Alexander Tomassi, it was love at first sight for both Ronnie and Al.  On the lookout for her dad who was going to join her family at a bridal shower for her cousin, Ronnie worriedly stood in the near-hurricane, pouring rain. As each car pulled to the curb outside the banquet hall, she peered through the torrential rain hoping it would be her dad. With tears streaming down her already wet face, the devoted daughter saw through the windshield a comforting smile from a handsome driver who had just chauffeured his mother and his sister to the event. Unbeknownst to Ronnie whose attention and relief had turned to the welcome arrival of her father, the driver had proclaimed to his passenger that the girl standing in the rain was the woman that he was going to marry. 

At the wedding of her cousin, Ronnie and Al shared their first of many, many dances; their courtship began soon afterward.

The next year, they were married at St. Mary’s Church in Bethel. Their wedding day was a day filled with  family and friends. After the service, breakfast as well as a luncheon at Armando’s for the immediate family and wedding party was followed by a “football style wedding” reception at the Elks for 800 people.  

Whenever Mom would sit with us as we pored through our parents’ musical (Richard Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus”), wedding album, she would pause longer over the photos of the bride and groom on the dance floor. Whenever she would describe her wedding day, she appeared to be a dreamy, nineteen-year-old, who was incredibly in love and who loved dancing with Al.  

 As husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Tomassi never needed a special occasion or an event or even a particular venue to dance. The kitchen, the basement, the living room were among the many places that they fell into step with one another; The Red Lion was one of their favorite date-night, dancing spots – even going through their stock one-liners and playful motions of “picking up” one another on occasion.

In maternity clothes for most of the 1950’s, Ronnie was tirelessly loving in creating a home and a harbor for her family: her husband and their four children Karen (m. Thomas Rezendes), Michael (m. Paula Zarrelli), Margaret (m. Henry Bessel), and Trisha (m. Manny Cipriano).  

Our mom took on the ordinary routines of everyday family life and executed them in extraordinary ways. Super organized and generously creative, she invested love and meaningfulness into every homemaking task. Sewing beach robes or dresses for her three daughters, making doll clothes, designing Christmas decorations, and even making school lunches were extensions of her heart. With caring precision and detail, she recorded our lives in multiple photo albums and scrapbooks filled with anecdotes, lessons, and history – more gifts from her heart.

In the winter, Mommy would have hot chocolate and Toll House cookies waiting for us when we arrived home from school; in the warmer months, she prepared Kool Aid and Rice Krispie Treats for our arrival home. Through measles, mumps, chicken pox, and other maladies, she was the most attentive nurse with alcohol rubdowns, never-ending ginger ale and buttered toast, aired out rooms, fresh sheets and fresh pajamas, sponge baths, and her gentle way of pressing her lips to our foreheads to gage a fever. 

She was also our playmate: coloring with us, piecing jigsaw puzzles together, sitting in the sandbox, splashing in our 3-foot deep pool, and building snowmen.  Often, after dinner, she was our tutor and cheerleader in encouraging us through math word problems, science projects, and geography lessons.

As we grew into adulthood, she continued to encourage us, although she always wanted us to proceed with caution.  It seemed that she wanted to be our fierce protector to insure that we would not suffer any of the hardships that she had endured. She was always a bit anxious of the worst case scenario occurring. Whenever we left the house, she would remind us that she loved us and cautioned us: “Be careful”.

Each time, she relaxed into life a bit, it seemed that she experienced an occurrence that made her feel that her cautious approach to life was warranted. When our home, that my parents had spent months improving with DIY  projects, was rocked off its foundation by an explosion, my parents raced home thinking that our youngest sister Trisha was still inside the house. Luckily, no one was hurt, but our mom felt displaced in a nightmare.  

Soon after the explosion, our dad was diagnosed with cancer; my mom was his devoted caregiver. Two years later, our dad, who had no life insurance or health insurance died of cancer; Mom was 49.  

She returned to the labor force, first, working as a cashier at Westconn’s cafeteria and then at the cafeteria at Union Carbide. Steadfastly, she worked and worked to pay off the exorbitant hospital bills.  It took years, but she diligently took care of those responsibilities. 

Making little more than minimum wage and leaving for work each day at 5:30 a.m., she somehow always managed to be exceptionally generous to her family, her friends, and to strangers. She found purpose in giving.

Her generous nature belied her small income and then, in retirement, the fact that her sole source of income was her monthly social security check.

As a grandmother, she delighted in spending time with and babysitting her grandchildren: Jennifer (Tomassi m. Matt Loomis), David (Tomassi), Anthony (Tomassi m. Kelly Keating), Adam (Bessel), Jessica (m. Greg Smith) and Michael (Cipriano).  She relished planning and creating activities for them to enjoy; she loved to take them shopping and out on the town too. She cherished every moment with them, and she especially valued their unique qualities.  It was always evident that laughing with them and loving them filled her soul and brightened her world. She treasured visits from Lyra (Smith), her great granddaughter, and news about her step great grandsons, Zack and Brandon (Chelednik).

For all of her family members, Mom created a magical Christmas every year. Transforming our home into a winter wonderland, she became a real life combination of Mrs. Claus and the North Pole elves.  She happily filled the season of giving with planning the holiday menu, baking pies and cookies, finding the perfect presents, designing surprises, and singing Christmas carols. As Christmas Eve neared, she set the dining table with tiered dishes and holiday platters of a variety of Christmas cookies, including her colorful Basic Cookie Christmas Cut-outs, Michael’s favorite. Among the holiday traditions was the carefully-hung mistletoe; she and Dad would delight in making us giggle as they yielded to the mistletoe that was hung from the dining room archway. 

Ronnie truly was one of those special people who loved giving more than receiving. Whenever she watched someone unwrap a gift or set their gaze upon a surprise, her smiling eyes twinkled. Whether it was a drum set for Michael which would mean more noise in the house or Barbie Dolls for Margaret and Trisha which would require more sewing of outfits, Mom derived happiness from her children’s happiness. 

One year, when Karen bought Ronnie a book designed for a mom to write her autobiography, Ronnie created a beautiful album of her life to fulfill Karen’s request for such a Christmas present. Then, after it was stolen in a burglary, Ronnie rewrote her autobiography to replace the stolen one. By the way, this was before most people had computers and before the Christmas that Michael attempted to give Mommy a computer, but that is another story.

Mom was a selfless person far beyond Christmas. All year long, every year, Ronnie Tomassi was the go-to person for anyone who needed someone to listen. She made time for everyone. Mom took pride in doing things for herself, and she never wanted to impose upon anyone. So sensitive to the feelings and needs of others, she was the most thoughtful person, and many commented upon how she had a wonderful memory for birthdays and the special occasions of others. She was a nester long before the word came into vogue, and her home always looked perfectly staged. For decades, she was a member of St. Gregory the Great Church’s Ladies Guild and participated with Al on the diocesan and parish Pre-Cana panels. As a den mother for the Boy Scouts, she immersed herself into the planning and preparation for the meetings. Her gracious phone manner, resourcefulness, and attention-to-detail contributed to the committees on which she served and to her condo homeowners' association when she served as the president of the association. 

A formidable contender, actually an armchair contestant on Jeopardy, Ronnie Tomassi could play a mean game of Scrabble, but she was equally delighted when one of us won. She always was our best and most passionate cheerleader.

Our mom, who was a geography whiz at naming states and countries with their capitals and at pointing out locations on blank maps when we were young, has now left us.  Mommy’s destination was certainly Heaven surrounded by Daddy, Pop Pop, Grandma Lena, Aunt Josephine, Aunt Millie, Nonee Gorge, Nonee Tom, Ann Cassagrande and all of her other loved ones who have been awaiting the arrival of their beautiful Ronnie. Surely, Ronnie is dancing to “Harbor Lights” with Alexander Tomassi.  Surely, she will comfort us with treasured memories – her lasting gifts of sweet, sweet love.

 

BASIC COOKIE (Christmas Cut-outs) RECIPE

1 cup margarine (2 sticks)

1 egg

2 ½ cups flour

1 ½ cups confectioner’s sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teas. baking soda

1 teas. cream of tartar

¼ teas. salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

Cream butter. Add sugar gradually; cream until fluffy. Then add egg and vanilla. Beat well. Now add your dry ingredients and blend into creamed mixture. Divide dough into two portions. Chill for at least 4 hours. Roll out on well-floured board to 1/8 inch thick. Cut with holiday cookie cutters. Bake for 6 minutes. Don’t forget to decorate them!

Enjoy and share one of our mom's gifts from the heart...

A Memorial Tree was planted for Veronica
We are deeply sorry for your loss ~ the staff at Cornell Memorial Home
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